I wouldn’t mind if it ended with you

Anyone wanna come sit around my fire pit with me?

Anyone have these things?

Just sat at a stop sign for a solid minute waiting for it to turn green..?

Me trying not to add comedic relief to every meeting I attend

Stranger: do you like people? Me: what do you mean? Stranger: do you like eating people? Me: no... Stranger: oh, well I do. Look, I have all my teeth Me: ... Stranger: I really like you

Me: “I look hot in this ey?” Camry: “your brother is hot”

They just called my hotel room about my cars extended warranty

Missing! Camry’s legs. @CamryJayC

Tell me how I accidentally bought life insurance today

And what about it?

My ESA

all i know is john michael ruined everyone’s night lmao

Y’all ever had an anxiety attack? Sh*ts crazy

“If you could have ANYONE in the world officiate your wedding, who would you choose?” “The lead singer of nickelback”

I love being reminded of why I stayed in Dallas and didn’t move back home

Keep your seatbelts on even if the seatbelt sign is on. 👍