Release the vaccine in vape form and I promise no one will ask what is in it

Me on tinder: Sorry can we reschedule tonight? I know it's last minute but I totally forgot that I'm wildly depressed and have no interest at all in meeting

I need one of those replicanator machines dr. Doofenshmirtz makes dead ass

Me getting Me getting Takeout in Takeout in March: December:

Idc if I’m acting different. I got tired of trying to make everybody else happy.

What’s joe bidens plan to stop these fake calls about my cars extended warranty?

“that’s my girl” is the cutest thing a guy could say

Why are all ct drivers brainless

Y’all. If you are moved by someone, by someone’s work, by their friendship, anything — TELL THEM. You don’t know how much they might need that ounce of encouragement, to feel noticed, to feel like their efforts are worthwhile.

recently discovered being an adult is just constantly having doctor’s appointments you need to schedule but then never scheduling them. I am probably decaying but that’s none of my business!