Not being able to understand the first three rows of a festival lineup is the new way of not being able to understand the first three lines at the opticians to discover you are old .

My son has just finished a painting that is called, "The Consequences of Showing Watership Down to Your Young Children". I am both proud and ashamed.

I have never been to Nandos. I let people know that I have never been to Nandos and never will go to Nandos because its overpriced KFC. Secretly, I would love to go to Nandos but I can't turn back now.

P&O Ferries furloughed 1400 of its staff during the pandemic, costing the taxpayer £10m. They also asked us for a £150m bailout. Its parent company then paid out £250m to shareholders. Now pandemic's over, they're sacking the British staff we supported. rmt.org.uk/news/rmt-calls…

Scout when on her 2nd run with a puppy pack today! Much more confident this time (that’s her in the centre )

7 years ago today I got a call from my boyfriend at the time, saying my dad had fallen whilst doing house maintenance and hurt his head. I had no idea how bad the situation, so decided to drive from uni back home to make sure things were ok, expecting to be there for 2-3 days.

One of my favourite things I’ve read is that sometimes in films dogs have to be given CGI tails if they’re supposed to be acting angry or mean because they’re so happy that they’re doing a good job that they can’t keep their tails from wagging.

Sportsmanship at it's finest 👏 Josh Adams gives his POTM medal to Ange Capuozzo after his sensational display helped Italy to their first ever win in Wales 🙌 #GuinnessSixNations #WALvITA

The screaming coming from boyfriends van must mean Paddy the Baddy has done it (he has BT sports on his phone - I haven’t banished him. Or maybe I have )

My mum couldn’t bear Elkie Brookes (miserable ) and Bryan Ferry (dirty old man in a raincoat). Who did you grow hearing your parents having an irrational thing about ?

God let it be the end of the road for this song #totp

Hannah O'Hanrahahanrahan Ice Cold in Alex I have a friend whose grandma puts a sticker over celebrities she doesn't like

It’s come to my attention that people’s parents did a lot of magazine defacing and ripping out of detested stars. I wonder if it’s therapeutic . Might by myself a radio times

Ice Cold in Alex My mum watched a Delia Smith program some time in the early 80s where Delia suggested that you can pat lettuce clean with a damp cloth. The die was cast from then on. "Dirty bugger, that one" she'd say whenever Delia appeared on TV. "Doesn't wash her lettuce."

Can’t stop thinking about Moon dockies

Given that, depressingly, the hashtag "sendherback" is trending, I'm very happy to start a #welcomehomenazanin thing, if anyone wants to join in with being pleasant and cheerful.

sorry i just remembered during first lockdown official bbc guidance said we should be having sex from behind with a mask on and now i want someone else to remember it too

What is the name for the micro-generation whose parents permanently had the cassette of Paul Simon’s Graceland playing in the car

Imagine the fallout if Cher married Mark Noble.