Ran out of zyns at family dinner

You dumb chucklefucks couldn't make Hunter Biden look any cooler of you tried

Someone send this to Chuck Schumer

This is unironically what it was like working in a deli for 5 years

yeah i don’t think i wanna play this game anymore

Thinking of this tweet

Go to Hooters. Get the wings Daytona style. Flirt with the waitress. Ask about her c-section scar. Ask her when she gets off. Order another round. Insist you keep your keys. Drive home.

Load bearing wall or something IDK I've never worked construction

I remember Covid-19 had my Uncle on facebook acting like I Am Legend

“Burger or hotdog?” 15 beers and hitting my head on the side of your pool

I won. Stupid fuck couldn’t afford $60 in credits and left. Don’t play Taylor swift and Gods plan at my bar again.

ㅤ

The rizzler: cool, calm, collected. Each move is intentional. He inspires hope and strikes fear in his subordinates. A chess master, a king maker. Big Justice: chaos, haste, greed. Subjects have lost hope in his ability to lead. Ego has blinded him. His kingdom has fallen.

25-30 is for going to da movies

at 0345 hours we lost contact with Santa as he entered Grinch controlled airspace

Michael Longfellow is leaving SNL after 3 years. (Source: Deadline)