This used to be the American dream and now men are lucky if they even get a single one of these

Lost 50 grand on the Puppy Bowl

[At the Chocolate Factory] Charlie: Who is that?! Willy Wonka: That’s Oomfa Loomfa 😭

hearing about gas prices as a carless walkcel

hanging out with me is 50g of protein btw

you set up a dungeons and dragons game thinking it will be heroism and then somehow the players get into a fight with fifty ordinary horses, it's combat with fifty horses, the fifty horse skirmish, three hours eleven minutes, 23 horses are dead, fifty horse melee

if you walk slow in front of me you will get killed by my powers

okay..

"you gotta play with the cards you're dealt" WRONG. i play pot of greed which lets me draw two additional cards from my deck

me when my uma loses her races

TW/// terrifying beast unleashes his rage

A German PASTOR ✝️

dying in a freak build a bear accident

I’m so used to US politicians pretending to be powerless that this feels like a headline from another universe

why are you 30 and pissing me off

I SEND A PESTILENCE AND PLAGUE INTO YOUR HOUSE, INTO YOUR BED INTO YOUR STREAMS, INTO YOUR STREETS INTO YOUR DRINK, INTO YOUR BREAD UPON YOUR CATTLE, ON YOUR SHEEP, UPON YOUR OXEN IN YOUR FIELD INTO YOUR DREAMS, INTO YOUR SLEEP UNTIL YOU BREAK, UNTIL YOU YIELD! I SEND THE SWARM-

FINALLY