I haven’t gotten anything done since 2016.

I like to think Ted Cruz is growing that beard because he can’t bear to look himself in the face

17mm lens + ❄️ + Ohio University = 😍

If you don’t have upstairs Tylenol, downstairs Tylenol, and Purse Tylenol we are not the same.

“You will not be a bully. You will be a nice boy...” As the 2 year old runs away from me screeching and plotting, “If it kills us both, you will be a nice boy!”

Tell me you’re a millennial without telling me you’re a millennial. I’ve named all my house plants after Friends characters.

I just want 90 minutes alone in my house to make snax and watch Framing Britney. And then probably another 90 to rage and cry for her.

Every other sentence out of my mouth today has been some version of “Please go back into the play room.” (Several versions were not that kind and at least one was just me growling.) This is why my brain is turning to mush and my self esteem is in the basement. #pandemicparenting

WandaVision broke my heart. Grief is so beautiful and it moves a person like nothing else.

So… this made me tear up. That’s the fragile state I’m in tonight for some unknown reason.

I’m just gonna say it—crying in the shower is not what it used to be. Now, I am SIMULTANEOUSLY sobbing and scrubbing this mom bod. Always multitasking. Yes, Isla starts kindergarten tomorrow, but also the world is on fire. Don’t be wasteful.

oh your boyfriend’s a doctor? well my boyfriend is now the coach of an imaginary football team for the next 4 months

These people are really complaining about the casting of a young Black woman in a movie that features the mystic complexity of mermaid politics and musical numbers performed by anthropomorphized Red Lobster entrées.

Chrissy Teigen wouldn’t be the 1st woman to call an abortion a miscarriage. Women are shamed for terminating pregnancies even if it’s to save their own life. Don’t focus on the “lie” but on building a society where women don’t have to due to judgemental and sanctimonious people.

idk how to explain this but Thursday, October and 8:00 PM are all the same

girls don’t want boyfriends they want emma chamberlain’s kitchen

Let’s get married & have kids so instead of trying a pumpkin beer you can stop the crying while I go back into the corn maze to find the shoe.