it's actually crazy we figured out how to grow real diamonds that are cheaper and better quality than the real thing and so many people are still like, no thanks the suffering is what makes it special.

the biggest gaslighter in my life is my microsoft outlook search bar

Trying to convince my fiancé I don’t just want to tour that one house because it’s painted in my signature color…

On today’s episode of “Was I a dyslexic child or is English just unintelligible?”

I am once again asking people to stop putting two spaces after periods

We had an assault weapons ban from 1994-2004 that prohibited the manufacture or sale for civilian use of certain semi-automatic weapons and banned magazines with 10 rounds or more. Mass shootings dropped during that decade. We did it once and should do it again.

Charles trying to work out if she underlined or crossed out his name.

Someone make this oddball romcom immediately, please

I will now be pretending all my spam calls from DC are the President

we all got a little Barbie in us (the microplastics)

Neighbor is on hour 2 of blasting Ed Sheeran HQ. Are they going to the show tonight? Or just going through it?…

My job is just… Meeting

New biggest dream:

Going forward, I’m counting true friends by who wishes me a Happy Austrian-American Day

hey sorry i forgot your name already i was busy getting ready to say my name while you were saying your name

Nothing like the validation high of a guest finding something in my home charming

Working so hard to learn this lesson!

The best part of getting old is becoming the target demographic for the Super Bowl halftime show