this is the only day you can retweet this

#NewProfilePic to go with my new header 💅🏻🤩

rich ppl: just buy stocks lmao that’s how u get rich poor ppl: *buys stocks* rich ppl: wait no not like that lol

me: would u be mad if i killed someone Austin: depends on how u did it

i will never get over the fact that house cats were never fully domesticated. they literally just started hanging around us bc they thought we were cool. we can never control them we were never able to control them

Is everything ok Biden? You hardly touched your campaign promises

bruh.... girl boss 🤩

bold of maryville to tell my i need a Psych internship when i already have at least 135 hours under my belt by being the therapist friend 😔✋🏻

if the stoned ape theory of evolution is real, then stoned apes absolutely built stone henge. just imagine apes tripping on shrooms and they’re just like “ooga booga let’s make art”

#NewProfilePic

it's always 200+ Palestinians HAVE DIED and 12 people HAVE BEEN KILLED in Israel. how did the palestinians die? did they simply vanish? or were they killed by israeli rockets?

[porn director pulls me aside] you gotta quit saying "golly"

working in a daycare is the most efficient form of birth control imo

free britney free palestine

i made a little presentation

Mary was adopted!

we’ve all been there