never realized how much counting baby’s kicks would stress me out until it became mandatory per my doctor to track them

now all of a sudden I’m like omg it’s been 30 seconds and I haven’t felt her move ahhhh

'your cat will eat you when you die' yeah but he shows infinite grace by making no attempt in the meantime. leave him alone

LMAO LMAO LMAO I just walked past the alcohol section at Meijer and there was a lady handing out samples of something and she goes “I have samples!” And I came fully into view and she goes “ope never mind not for you” 😂😂😂😂😂😂🤰🏻🤰🏻🤰🏻🤰🏻🤰🏻

i don’t really feel threatened by other women because i know my upbringing messed me up in such a hyperspecific and rare way that it created a once-in-a-lifetime personality

love my coworker giving me shit for having to take off two half days this week so I can go to appointments for my high risk pregnancy as if I planned things to be this way :)

People are calling metal bands satanic again we are so back

who can help me add someone from one picture into another picture I’m not good at photoshop

cleaned my engagement ring just in time for a soda to explode in my hands when I opened it🤠

Before you watch this clip, I urge you, I BEG you: please try to imagine the wrongest way possible to pronounce “tzatziki” first, because all of your hair will be blown off your head

Hot take: one hour lunch breaks should be mandatory at every job. 30 minute lunches are bullshit

Here's a Beaver carrying a carrot and a head of lettuce back to his home.

already got my wedding dress 🥹

this pregnancy is giving me a run for my money because why am I nauseous at the smell of brewing coffee rn

telling a pregnant woman to show up with her bladder “as full as possible” and then forcing me to wait an hour in the waiting room should be a crime

My emotions™️
7am: Today I’ll be more positive
10am: I hate my job, the sun and myself
Lunch: ok I think I overreacted
5pm: another stupid day is over
8pm: if I get enough sleep I’ll be fine
12am: [crying] I hope aliens destroy earth

told a patient to have a good day and the person with him (wife/gf/partner) gave me a nasty look and said “oh he will”

like miss girl I do not want ur man please just leave lmao

the hang ups my brain has from childhood are so funny. why do i always think people are going to yell at me. i think everyone is going to punish me. my dentist. my property manager. the barista at the coffee shop. a person i pass on the sidewalk. my therapist. my—

thinking about how I once told my ex husband I was having contractions and he told me to try to wait until he got off of work because it would be more convenient to him

honestly so glad to have such a supportive partner this time around

Just got off the phone with my mom and she says “thank you for being my therapist” ur welcome babe I have been since an inappropriately young age and that’s why I’m a bit fucked in the head but like don’t mention it

Now loading: our album era 💙 📸: Shervin