Thinking about writing a children’s book. Would love to get your feedback. Here’s an outline of first few chapters... Chapter 1: You’re not as special as you think. Chapter 2: Life is hard. Chapter 3: One day you’ll change my diapers. Chapter 4: Death awaits us all.

Yea breakups hurt but have you ever called your mom when you were in the midst of your 6th crisis of the day, only to have her rush you off the phone because she was out with friends?

1st base: sex 2nd base: explaining all the ways your parents fucked you up that prevent you from feeling adequate and successful 3rd base: hanging out during sunlight hours 4th base: adding your relationship to any form of social media

millenials are coming around to the fact that the playbook they received for 20+ years was wrong degrees don’t get jobs the food pyramid is wrong money isn’t happiness disney movies are not real adults know nothing

do y’all have that person in your life that you wanna check up on but don’t want to annoy bc they are probs fine and you’re not bc same

Does anyone else go in waves with their online shopping addiction? I won’t buy shit for months and then on a random Sunday I’ll get on my computer to buy one thing, only to find myself hours later still sitting there with 12 tabs open emptying my bank account 😃

idk who needs to hear this but ma’am or sir you have way more interesting things to think about than whatever idiot you’re currently spiraling over

I was just informed that it is still Monday and I am A P P A L L E D

Sweating in class was one of the worst things about elementary school. You just came off a 4 touchdown performance at recess and your team won and now your sweating on the desk and they got you trying to do vocab.

2 days until the new album #somepeopledo #olddominion

This couldn’t be more accurate. Implanting this now.

idk how to explain this but I need someone who is sort of mean to me but not too mean bc i’m soft but don’t ever treat me like i’m soft but also always keep in mind that I am. you know

being an adult is a little bit out of my price range right now

Morgan Wallen and Luke Combs are the only two artists you can shuffle play and guarantee you won’t get a bad song

working from home is actually superior bc every hour or so you can tip your head back and go UGHHHHHHHHHHH really loud and then get back to work and like u can’t do that in a office u know

3 things we have learned in the past 2 months. 1. We don’t pay teachers nearly enough. 2. We don’t pay front line healthcare workers nearly enough. 3. We don’t need to come in to the office for your stupid meeting, boss. Thank you from coming to my Ted Talk.