girlfriend: now don't start weird conversations with my dad tonight me: fine [later] me: [immediately] ah rugs, the coward's carpet

Kim Kardashian better not even think about this dress 😭😭😭😭

My ideal summer body is one that I have complete control over

Added a 110 foot drop to it’s a small world

Yeah, and?

Well, well, well. If it isn't the people who'd spent the past 20 years telling us not to have children if we couldn't afford them...

I introduced my dad to binge watching and half way through the 5th season of Breaking Bad he declared, 'This is the weirdest movie I've ever seen, it's so long.'

3,450 pounds of garbage were left behind on Lake Tahoe after 4th of July weekend, which is over twice the haul from the year before. "Patriotic" Americans leaving behind thousands of pounds of trash for environmentalists to clean up is a perfect metaphor for our country's future.

girls before their birthday

A pregnant woman in Dallas was pulled over for using the HOV lane and is arguing that her unborn fetus should count as a passenger because of Texas' abortion laws. Let the mental gymnastics begin.

When I text “🎳" that mean you on your last strike

Please stop saying that we need to increase teacher salaries in order “recruit the best and brightest” as if the best and brightest are not currently teaching. We need to increase teacher salaries because those currently teaching deserve and earned it.

Why are threesomes only for sex why can’t I join in a couples argument if I want to

hey sorry i actually called shotgun infinity when i was 9 so you have to sit in the back

everyone assumes that he is the one breaking up with all these 25-yr-olds. what really happens is that once a woman's brain finishes developing, she realizes she doesn't wanna be with leonardo dicaprio

What if they faked the queen’s death just so they could have the most shocking Masked Singer reveal ever