Okay so my little cousin just got a karaoke machine. I guess you can call this is duet? 😂😂

Nah, last time there was a joke at a debate it became president.

me: spends 9 minutes trying to take an absolute FIRE selfie to send to a boy boy: replies with blurry snapchat of a microwave

Since I’m bored and 2017 was full of negative news stories, I’ve found some positive stories you probably didn’t hear about. A thread:

I gave my nephew a banana for Christmas. I had avocado levels of success.

#NouvellePhotoDeProfil

Honey, I shrunk the kids Honey, I blew up the kids Honey, I made the kids believe they were exceptional and complimented them on their talent rather than their work ethic and now they're in their mid to late 20s and never developed the ability to finish a passion project

Internet, listen... I’m a giver. I give and I give. But now I need you. I need 200k retweets to go dance with penguins. Please internet. Please retweet THIS TWEET. Please. A man needs his ‘guins. x.com/greenpeace/sta…

Every night I tell Sander I love him but he never says “I love you” back. So I started recording this interaction in case he ever did say it. He still hasn’t, so now I just have this really sad video. Please love me Sander.

“Please get a job” my mom desperately cries from outside my room as I strategically photoshop an image of something I like on the Krusty Krab, and something I dislike on the Chum Bucket. She’s completely oblivious to the amount of retweets I’ll be compensated for this masterpiece

Advice from Khloe to Khloe. RT so she could see this!

my dog made a huge mess and then had the audacity to just sit and chill while i cleaned it up i mean LOOK AT HIS LITTLE ARM