The dead body on the lawn is something we are taking very seriously. Please, Human Beings, stay inside. Still attend classes. Our campus security team are on the case.

found enough tiny items to equip an amphibious mariachi band on Jeff Winger, I think shirley and I just blew this case WIDE open

SELF-INFLICTED FRIENDLY FIRE IS NO LAUGHING MATTER, JEFF!

unfortunately, shirley and I have been removed from our positions as campus security officers. nevertheless, we will not stop until Jeffrey Tobias Winger is brought to justice! if anyone has news of his current whereabouts, please contact us immediately!

has anyone seen garrett?? I thought we saved him but now I’m not so sure…

finals week is coming up and you know what that means! annie’s-super-cool-and-fun-study-session-in-the-library! stop by tonight between 5pm and 8pm for free snacks from the vending machines and lots of opportunities for learning 💃🏻

hi everyone!! sorry I haven’t been posting, finals were crazy and then troy and abed built a pillow fort in our apartment to celebrate the end of the semester… I couldn’t find my phone for weeks!!

hey Frankie Dart do you know when the greendale course catalog is coming out? trying to get a jump start on planning classes for the group :)

I wonder if people ever think this about me!

remove “are you a convicted felon” from All job applications moving forward .

sick of cons. every situation just when i think it's only pros here come the cons. and then the weighing of them. jesus christ the weighing

I feel like I should change my profile picture to something more christmas-y now that everyone is doing it but I don’t really have any christmas-y photos :( if only we really had been claymation…

my life outside of twitter 🥰 #gogreendalego

dinner with Frankie Dart and Britta Perry for my birthday :) 📸: ruthie 🕯️

Birthday girl! Happy birthday Annie, you’re such a star, sweetie! You’ll do great things this year 🖤

happy birthday Annie Edison!! 🖤

Wordle 1,301 1/6 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩 you guys!!!

Annie could give more informed answers than Grok, we should just ask her… Annie Edison