saw a truck w REAL big tires 😍

I feel lucky when I hear an owl hooting, also grateful

hoot hoot

What if instead of calling Twitter “x” we called twitter “hooter”. Instead of tweeting we “hoot”

Having to tell my ‘bee keeper bf’that I just developed a severe allergy to bees is on par with having to tell my ‘ass eating bf’ that I had worms

I get the same vile curiosity reading a public comment section as I do looking under a rock. with all the rollie pollies, worms and the like

Told the blood bankers “I’m chronically anemic, take me off your call list”and they had the nerve to ask me if they could try back in a month!!! Bouta tell them I’m MSM to scare them off for good

Let them play 🤗

I can’t trust the legitimacy of modern medicine until I meet at least one doctor who’s even heard of kratom

scratch and sniff books only had one smell: corduroy overalls in mauve, worn by a wealthy child in autumn from new england, one pocket filled with black pepper, crayons

Enlightenment is not being good at any hobby but still enjoying it

hey guys can u retweet please

Quitting vaping has made going to the bathroom a purely functional endeavor

All my best tweets are behind me

Fat Pussy would be a good cop name in an ideal world

the internet should be for girls only