only you can stop the spread of the office smelling like a cold cut combo from subway

i do this every time i eat ginger beef. did you know ginger beef comes from calgary alberta originally

having to pull out my brother’s death documents at 8am on a Tuesday to prove he has indeed departed and remove him as an account manager

whenever I get an oil change, car wash, and get gas in the same night I feel like a mother who has given her baby a bath and then fed it a bottle. just clean and full and happy!!!

jeez louise this was the first summer in many moons that I didn’t tweet “cool ranch for the summer” and look what happened

no getting ready session is complete without a ft date with Charlotte Harris

to truly lock in i think i have to stop my weekly four chicken wraps from dq habit :(

what am i supposed to do once nectarine season ends? die?

under three blankets on my fifth episode of family guy and my second diet coke

i love seeing girls soft launch a man i get secondhand giddy for them

at the bar drinking a diet coke

next person I see chewing gum in an annoying way (giving cow) is TOAST

really craving literally anything from a small town bakery

eating like an absolute gym bro has for sure been effective but also it’s been at the cost of my zest for life

the only thing that scares me about motherhood is all the ketchup