apologies for my absence, I’ve robbed you all of me 😔 hope everyone’s having a good week and shit

I’d kill with my bare hands for these jeans like realistically

went shopping with chrissy yesterday and all I bought was a pez dispenser

gm just drank beer from a can I opened two days ago #wastenotwantnot

steve is sleeping next to me right now and he just kneed me in the fucking crotch HARD

why is twitter doxxing my location to aliens 🤨🤨 why do they need to know what planet I’m on 🤨🤨 come on man

cup one of three to get me through the day 👍

her drive and determination to post these every day amazes me

if he doesn’t let you hold it while he’s peeing he’s not worth it!!!!!

born to shit, forced to wipe 🔥🔥

new dragon ring 😎👍

a giant FUCK YOU to my neighbour who keeps putting in noise complaints with wayne!!! (metal rests for NO ONE, andy!!!! especially not you!!!! 🤘😝🎶)

off to pick up the light of my life from work 🥰🥰🥰

JUST CAUGHT SEVERAL OF MY PUBES IN MY FUCKING ZIPPER

enjoying the sun 🤟😋☀️