she sponge on my bob til i square my pants

mmmmm mashed potatoes

just found out about british people im disgusted 🤢🤮

“why would you order just an apple at a restaurant?” it’s literally called applebee’s 🙄

cheba hut so mid

man this bagel really hits the spot

i’m just silly little guy what can i say. i have this whimsical joy that can only be experienced by a silly little guy like me. you wouldn’t understand.

peanut butter and jelly gotta be the worst food combination of all the time like who tf came up with that and why did everyone just go along with it

poly? non binary? yeah i’m poly binarything in the store

close only counts in hand shoes and horse grenades

sorry for letting my walls down and trusting you with the most intimate vulnerable parts of me it won’t ever happen again

“Can’t complain” … Congrats, I can

Everybody been acting funny lately But it’s ok cuz i’m boutta act fucking hilarious

two warm beers

if youre 25 its all over pack it up

bro how come you never wanna blur the lines between friendship and long distanced lovers with me?

telling me you miss me after you touched other people is crazy

that weirdo girl that doesn’t leave her house will save you