I had a dream I was an artist who made ceramic dicks and now I know what my future is

“”””it’s just the male psyche”””” great excuse bro

Has the whole world gone mad

La Croix is just decaf White Claw

How did I just find out about how great Oreos are

it’s flee the country and avoid your problems season 💃

“Sorry bro I only date unhealthy and/or unstable men”

Just your regular old anaphylaxis on a Sunday !

CrAzY concept but you know you can like coffee and not be pretentious right

casually electrocuting myself on a Tuesday evening whats up

Texas is majorly disappointing me

*angrily plays Tetris*

Shout out to Dasani water am I right

At this point I think I should just get “unlucky” tattooed across my damn forehead

Going to disappear into the mountains and grow carrots

You really shouldn’t have to go through something traumatic to have empathy for other people.

Tweeting kinda feels like talking to god- I’m just putting my thoughts out into the void; ain’t no one there!

I think about big Tex on fire at least three times a week

I talk to debt collectors more than anyone else in my life

~wants a hug~ ~doesn’t want anyone to touch me~