"whats your dream job?" ummm...princess

love to go nonverbal at the bar just overwhelmed by the crowd, can’t hear over the music, can’t talk loud enough for anyone to hear me, just vibing with my little drink looking real pretty

doctor: are you sexually active? me: no I usually just lie there 😜🤙 doctor (writing in my chart): effortlessly witty....and quite beautiful, I might add

What if the royal family just ate kate???

i love my friends

i can relate

every guy i’ve ever dated has always really enunciated his “T”s & i wanna know what that’s about

to be clear i meant FORAGERS 🫣

#shitemmasays “name a country” “um…ohio?”

you guys ever just lose your will to live & everything just feels so mundane & pointless & you can’t remember the last time you felt alive or even remotely stimulated

Actually I will not stop posting this series

Sorry I didn’t text you back I don’t talk to people on Sunday or Mondays

i can’t take dating apps seriously bc whenever i see someone’s bio say 5’11 i cackle

toilet seat lid should always be down unless you’re using the toilet

#shitcolinsays “i’m a man; i like hammers, i like cars, i like fire, i like steaks”

#shiterinsays “why does he have such a nice dick? he doesn’t deserve it”

*spreads labia* is THIS your card?!