“These edibles ain’t shit” 5 minutes later:

Get your PhD in Puberty. October 4 on Netflix.

me: i don't want to get into another relationship right now therapist: good me: on the other hand if someone doesn't touch me soon i will perish

Her: Wow, you know all the right moves in bed. How's about a second go but this time lose the hat Ratatouille hiding in my hair: Tell her your head is cold

Wig from goodwill: $3 Green concealer smeared on mouth: $5 Getting asked all night what the fuck I’m supposed to be: priceless