If you're always successful at bullshitting others it's because you don’t hang around people who are smarter than you.

I’m naked, about to get in the shower, I bend down to pick something up and my dog runs in and licks my arsehole. There’s no going back from this, I will have to have her put down. She knows too much.

Yep. Bye.

BREAKING: Donald trump has been banned from Jurassic Park

WTF

"I think it's safe to say Nina is into Robert Hood at the moment" #lockdownlife #techno #roberthood #fatherdaughtergoals @ Bristol, United Kingdom instagram.com/p/CKUObnMA9HR/…

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Robert Hood - 7 Mile Dog youtu.be/Pw4W6MKv3Wk via YouTube Yessir!!!

1. We say in Soccernomics: "Anyone who spends any time inside football soon discovers that just as oil is part of the oil business, stupidity is part of the football business."

Football Association AND Oliver Dowden Sec of State DCMS. PM Boris Johnson.: Ban racists for life from all football matches in England* - Sign the Petition! chng.it/pQgHLdvM via Change.org UK

Quick question: Are there any other countries whose KFCs have run out of chicken and whose McDonald's have run out of milkshake... Or is it only the one on the island that just decided to economically cut itself off from the mainland?

Thank you mr. Putin for such change in my life from professional journalist to refuge from biggest country in Europe.

The build up to the Tory leadership announcement is about as exciting as waiting to hear which variety of faeces is going to be smeared all over our faces for the next few months. Will it be cow shit, or will it be a handful of runny sheep turds? I’ve never been so underwhelmed.

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These are flames 🔥

Word of the day is ‘recrudescence’ (17th century): the return of something terrible after a time of reprieve.