😈

I wish I could go back to 1985 and explain to people that in the future you have to win the Rose Bowl to play in the Peach Bowl.

My theme song for 2026

So embarrassed, it’s a new year and I’m still writing ‘2025’ on my jokes.

Morning.................................🌄 #HappyNewYear2026 🥂

Made hash browns and they didn’t stick to the pan- good omen for the new year

So far, this has been the best year of my life.

I’ve never been in Massachusetts during the winter time. What’s all this cold white stuff?

Wife: Where are all the coffee filters? Me:

Million dollar idea: Gatorade-proof coach’s shirts

You don’t need an adjustable mattress if you have enough unfolded laundry

My wife reminds me every day not to do anything stupid, yet my “days without doing anything stupid” tote board on the kitchen fridge was only designed for single digit numbers

I told you my full name and favorite color what more could you want

We were led to believe there was a systemic problem with housewives antagonizing grocers by squeezing their Charmin displays.

Morning.................................🌄

In case you’ve lost track of what day it is today is December 33rd.

Technology is wild. On one hand I no longer have to spend the month of January worrying about accidentally writing 2025. But on the other hand, I just wished someone a happy 2926.

Internet people say, “Just be yourself!” Cool. I am myself. That’s why I’m alone eating cold pizza in sweatpants at 9 am on a Friday.

Hey Grok, change everybody’s selfie to make them look like a chicken so I can reply with this meme

An actress on TV was lamenting the rigors of filming in a Paris winter and now I feel silly for whining about roofing and siding in Buffalo winters.