Shang chi was great 4 stars 5 if i get more bumble and hinge matches from it

so excited to start writing my spec script -- a bad ass secret service agent played by mark wahlberg who goes back in time to save abe lincoln -- that im willing to risk it being stolen by tweeting this!!!

would bow down to this pale skinned goddess sauntering about outside in a T-shirt and pajamas if it was maybe five degrees warmer

my favorite thing about eternals was how i can now incorporate "guy at parties who defends it by saying, you know it wasnt *that* bad" to my identity

taking comfort in knowing that twenty years from now a psychologically battered kyle rittenhouse will get his ass beat in a celebrity boxing match by a half cyborg mike tyson

hanging out with your spirit animal after doing peyote is just pokemon for adults

thinking a romantic partner is our missing piece is insane — we should already be badass and then level up even more after meeting them!basically we’re thanos and they’re the infinity gauntlet

since they already know so much about me figured I might as well tell the barista at my neighborhood coffee shop my SSN, enneagram type, and biggest fear (teeth falling out and then turning into spiders)

congrats to the legendary Tom Brady who made it ok to be boring and throw deflated objects

just want all my fellow single people to know that it is also better to have eaten cold pizza and lost than to have never eaten any pizza at all

my dad, a Vietnamese immigrant & gambling addict, prob killed time on the boat ride here thinking, “America, the land of opportunity! there’s blackjack, roulette, pai gow…”

new tattoo inspired by a bookmark I got at half price books — my new go to place when I need to buy a new personality!! (feel free to use that as a new ad slogan btw Half Price Books )

I believe in heaven only because I love the idea of dead family members and celebrities hanging out like it’s comforting knowing that DMX has yelled at my dad to turn down Fox News

my neighbor and her partner get into so many loud arguments that I’ve been forced to believe that it’s because he’s jealous that she finds me so dreamy

1/3 TALENT SPOTLIGHT! We’re thrilled to welcome 20 comedians making their ACF debut this year! #acf2022 @YuhuaHamasaki Jocelyn Chia andrew fung david fung FUNG BROS. Donald Chang jerry tran

what I love about brooklyn is how on the same corners that biggie and jay z rapped about selling drugs now have dudes in full on harry potter cosplay costumes

all Midwest airports are magical places where if you spend enough time there you slowly become a middle aged white guy who sells insurance, has a drinking problem & is unhappily married

if a friend got me taco bell in bed for my bday like that commercial I’d say thank you I really appreciate it and then wonder if they secretly wished I was dead bc they didn’t get chipotle instead

my biggest strength is learning from successful ppl and my biggest weakness is considering Marilyn Monroe to be the most successful person ever so if you can’t handle me at my worst then this job interview is over