Daddy Warbucks: don’t you know you’re never fully dressed without a smile? Annie: seriously pops? It’s the 20s. Also I’m not calling you “daddy” anymore

Just woke up

guys freaking out about how “you can’t approach women in public anymore,” here is one tip. whatever you’re going to say, precede it with “i’m so sorry if this is weird but ____.” displaying even baseline self awareness makes us feel 75% safer

Omfg eggs cost so much rn. I’m just gonna start using my own 🍳

The first person I’ll meet in hell is whoever designed those rubber things on the swiffer sweeper like that

At what point does one stop merely “existing” and instead starts LIVING for macramé?

I love when Pedro Pascal's children go 🙂

If you think all men in dresses are needing to be banned I’m just making sure you include priests

This weather is rain-lentless! Hi, I’m Joy and I’m a professional comedian

I’m in love. And he loves me I finally understand what Barney was singing about

Doing this again: THE ASTROLOJOY PLAYLISTS. Reply with your sign, your favorite song and artist of that song.

BLUE CLAM CULT: “Don’t Fear the Queefer”

#SanDiego I’m coming to you TOMORROW! My first comedy tour is popping off with you THE VALLEY-DATION TOUR

Pomp? Sure. But circumstance?

The word Slurpee is slur and pee Enjoy a racist whiz at 7-11

Y’all think the Dumb Waiter and Lazy Susan ever hooked up

More like Elon Muskn’t

Adopt a Highway. There are so many Highways that need a good home 🛣️

Hi All, We are giving away $500 every time we post to our timeline this August. Whether you love us or really love us all you have to do is REPOST or REPLY to our timeline posts to enter. And, to our handful of haters, you, of course, can enter too. Rules are here: