jesus turned water into josh

pour up (josh), head shot (josh) sit down (josh), stand up (josh) pass out (josh), wake up (josh) faded (josh), faded (josh)

tonight will be a joshumentary

I don’t watch golf very often. But is it normal for them to do the Star Wars scene swipe between golfers? #ThePlayers

*me at the gym* “They don’t know I’m listening to Taylor Swift.”

For my new years resolution I will not procrastinate as much.

Welp. Zigged when I should’ve zagged. Just accidentally unmuted to yell at my cat on a call with 20 people.

me getting up to buy tickets to all of favorite bands doing 20 year anniversary tours of their albums

Couple Ace employees talking customer service best practices at the local Chili’s post shift. This is why I’ll always pay a premium at Ace. Nobody cares more than Ace. Nobody

Adulting is constantly checking your email to see if you got a quote back for cutting your grass.

Anyone else get the vibe that hammerhead sharks fell off? When I was a kid I felt like they were a top 2-3 shark, now I never think about them.

nobody will remember: - your salary - how “busy you were” - how many hours you worked people will remember: - if you hopped on a quick call - when you hopped on a quick call - how many quick calls you hopped on - how you made them feel when you hopped on a quick call

going to the DMV to get my twitter account its learners permit #MyXAnniversary

Responding to every political text today saying “hey sorry just seeing this”

Another close call today.

Surely we aren’t trying hard enough to domesticate raccoons.

No one will remember your job title or salary. But they will remember Four Nations Facing Off or when Four Nations Faced Off.

I think my new years resolution is going to be to procrastinate less.

My dad accidentally signed up for a fantasy basketball league and ended up winning the entire thing. I have no words.