haven’t touched chinese food since they gave us covid. now i’m off the vodka. please don’t do anything wrong columbia.

any fattys getting their minge oot me dms open

This creases me every fucking time. 🤣

Just sold a pack of viagra at this time of the morning in this heat 😂 someone’s keen

home alone. bored so download tinder. few matches. msg fittest one. tell her to come round. shes keen. knock on door. been catfished its a bloke. built like a wreckin ball. regret and shame takes over as already sent my nob. tell him fuck off wrong house an spark him clean out.

feelin accomplished. word of my wasp encounter reached shop floor. a story to be told by staff at morrisons for years to come. a hero in eyes of many. where others cower i thrived an laughed in the face of danger. nimble. too quick for any flyin creature. celebrating with a pint.

The Dean of Westminster Abbey to Prince Andrew after the #queensfuneral

Gerrard seeing Liz Truss at the job centre

The Naked Gun; Security checks

Gen X

Bloody hell, it wasn’t that last Christmas 😉

world cup begins. big day. me an boys goin pub. first match later. not sure who’s playin. couple foreign teams. shite. takin our reggie down just in case out kicks off. he’s game for a scrap. i am too. this is england’s year. ponderin on 3 for 100. graft tomorrow. nowt too daft.

new sunday. new bed. woke up in state of delusion. live laugh love glistens above the headboard. to the left lies an overweight jimmy bullard. creep downstairs. help myself to bairns munch bunch out the fridge. put on my slazengers an dip. next bus not for an hour. fuckin sick.

in graft. rough. scottish Steve giving it big licks. asked how englands world cups going. a launch half a a jammy dodger across room. skims his head. shatters on wall behind him. gaffa saw whole incident. wants me in office. he can fuck off as well. bloke watches cricket. idiots.

Running in New York in the pissing rain looking like a fucking duck hunter. Cunt.

I want to take a moment to remember Lee Rigby, murdered on the streets of Britain 10 years ago today for being a member of our armed forces. Read that back and tell me what you feel? C #RIPLee

The Edwards household tonight

Stop hiring people because of their skin colour. Stop hiring people because of their gender. Hire the best person for the job. The one who deserves it. Why is that so alien to some people? Madness. 🤯

These ladies shouldn’t have to deal with trans men with dicks swinging in their changing spaces! It’s wrong. 🐕💨