I like to hold a length of dental floss across my bum hole and slice a turd in two, like I'm cutting some cheese.

Had a bad day? Life getting you down a bit? Take a look at my 4yr olds picture of a horse. You're welcome. .

@JakeZackAndy @ardbeg_com He doesn't seem to mind sharing, although I thinks yours is getting diluted :)

We went to Bradgate Park to see if we could fly Edward's kite. It took a while (and a tip from a stranger), but look!

Today I was turned down for a job that I have 17 years relevant and 8 years specific experience for. I didn't even get an interview.

Edward just told me he wants fish fingers for tea. 56,056 fish fingers. Apparently if I stack them like bricks they will fit on the plate :/

This is shining in my eyes and keeping me awake. Much bigger and brighter than the pic would have you believe #moon

5 year old GSD girl urgently needs foster or forever home as her owner in hospital & won't be coming home PLEASE RT x.com/Nightowl400/st…

I found out recently that the boy who gave me my first kiss died a few years ago. I hadn't seen him for 30 years, but I'm quite shaken by it

He was only 41 and had 2 little kids. I have no idea how he died, and I have no idea how to find out. I can try to find his grave, though

41. Crikey. rip Wilson

These are gorgeous! They smell so good you want to lick your fingers (Edward is banned because he did just that) :)

@JakeZackAndy Guinevere & Eleanor Super Scenting Spaniels Zack is GORGEOUS!

Man Slut Shames Young Woman On Tube, Sassy Older Woman Defends Her Like A Boss by Brogan Driscoll huff.to/1IGVJoS Ahhhh...too good.

I've been offline for a couple of weeks. I hope everyone is ok x

Miss you, puppy xx

It's exciting that I'm trending, but why do people think my first name is Shutdowntax?

7 years, and I miss you every day x