Another day high as shit.

here's the thing... ppl will never learn how to properly merge into traffic

just living life one “why the fuck did i say that” at a time

62% of people surveyed agree that you’re a lil bitch.

Let me hold you like a burger

Break her face not her heart

Was gonna get hammered drunk tonight but I have to drive to a funeral at 6 a.m tomorrow. THANKS A LOT UNCLE JERRY

If you don’t love farting, you’re free to leave this goddamn country

might fuck around & get caught up in the rapture of love

I think I'll start drinking. Not just a couple here and there but the face down in the yard by 7 o'clock kind of drinking

On a highway to my comfort zone

do you think this bird flu epidemic is having a big impact on magicians or did they completely switch over from doves to rabbits after the whole gob bluth thing

Some people will see a pretty garden and set it on fire.

Once you realize every system is rigged to keep you enslaved, it all makes sense. Just look at credit scores. Any time you pay something off, your score drops. To maintain a good score you need to stay in debt.

one thing I’ve realized over the years is nothing matters

i'm so glad you're in my life

I need a social life. Where can I buy one?

Personalized Plate: WANNA 69

so tired of this half-lived life