My immune system is TRASH!

I no longer dislike Mondays, i’m mature now… I dislike the whole week

That hour we lost was the one when I was planning to go to the gym

Only Raining in LA on the weekends is some player hating ass shit 😂

Sorry, can’t. I took my bra off and threw it across the room an hour ago. There’s no coming back from that.

The sexual tension between me and getting the fuck outta here.

I'm walking on sunshine you stupid bitch

the hottest thing a man can do is have a constant stream of random information and facts to share with you on any incidental subject

Specific date ?

it’s scary the way you can kill off the love you have for someone. you just continuously remind yourself of the reality of the situation. you internalize how unfairly you were treated (even unintentionally). you do the work & then one day, you feel nothing for them. not a thing.

spelling my name wrong in an email when my email has my name IN IT, is one of the most annoying forms of microagression

when i get to use “wrong bitch” i be so excited

requesting PTO at work is so embarrassing. "hi boss permission to enjoy my life for 3 days?"

one of my favorite things about first dates is watching the light in his eyes fade when he realizes i’m funnier than he’ll ever be.

the feminine urge to say "ouch" when i bump into things that doesn't even hurt

Being a woman is hard You always want to buy something, slap someone, lose weight and eat something sweet

I love saying ‘sorry I’m out of it today’ as if there has been a day in the past fucking five years I’ve been in it

how am I supposed to say DEADASS in Spanish??? CULO MUERTO???