Your bills are going up by £1,000. Rishi Sunak's cut fuel duty by 5p. Happy April Fools' Day.

BT Profit £1.3bn - Broadband price rise 9% Royal Mail Profit £758m - Stamp price rise 10p BP Profits £6.3bn - fuel rises 22p per litre British Gas profits £948m - energy £700 extra a year This isn’t a cost of living crisis This is a cost of electing the Tories crisis.

The list of pro Johnson MPs and ministers reads like a Who’s Who of arseholes… the most dishonest, complicit and dullwitted inadequates ever to have had their grubby hands on power… a collection of rancid rubbish that any other workplace would have chucked out years ago.

Priti Patel. Vile, nasty disgusting, wicked, and immoral woman. That's on a good day.

BREAKING: Last ticket cancelled. NO ONE IS GOING TO RWANDA

Brilliant news. Get to fuck, Priti Patel MP and take fuckwit Boris Johnson with you.

There’s a lot of crossover here with my big list of cunts

Ah, I see. You’ve taken money from deprived areas that desperately need the money. And gave it to places like Tunbridge Wells, which *checks notes* came 2nd in a poll of poshest places to live in the UK and a big Tory hot spot. Good job on levelling up, Rishi Sunak. Vile.

Liz Truss & Rishi Sunak come clean on the catastrophic impact 12 years of Conservative Government has had on the UK economy Watch in horror, watch in despair & PLEASE NEVER EVER VOTE TORY AGAIN

As we head into the worst cost of living crisis in decades, the Conservatives have announced that they will scrap the cap on bankers' bonuses. They're not on your side.

She was groomed by dark-money lobby groups working for Big Tobacco, Big Oil and foreign oligarchs. Now Liz Truss is in office and trashing this country on their behalf.

Moving from Johnson to Truss feels like going from having Sideshow Bob trying to kill you to having Sideshow Bob trying to kill you but it’s that scene where he’s stepping on all the rakes

The rise of Suella Braverman is one of the genuine mysteries of modern politics. She has no discernible charm, intellect or talent and projects cruelty like toxic radiation. Shame on any leader who puts her within a mile of power.

This one might just be my angriest yet: Strikes! Full version here: youtu.be/Gljtvwhcdhc

We are heartbroken to say Maxi Jazz died peacefully in his sleep last night. He was a man who changed our lives in so many ways. He gave proper meaning and a message to our music. He was a lovely human being with time for everyone and wisdom that was both profound and accessible.

Always liked Simon Pegg.

Willy Gnonto take a bow 🤩 #LUFC

Wish I had a fucking Leeds United release clause

Lads, check in on your mates. 💔 x.com/lfc_arrow/stat…

Occasional reminder that we got more money for a broken Tyler Adams than we paid for Ethan Ampadu, Glen Kamara, Ilia Gruev & still had more than enough money left over to give Archie Gray a new contract. #lufc