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We’re rescuing sticks

I received a dm telling me that I’ve offended some of you. I’m truly sorry, I meant to offend all of you.

I don’t wanna brag, but my Tweets are unpopular on 6 continents.

Saving the Owl

When people ask me why I'm on Twitter, I have to agree.

Accidentally said the word “walk” in front of my dogs, so now we’re going for a walk because they won’t allow a different ending. They say Pavlov trained the dog, but methinks the dog had a few tricks up his sleeve too.

Pulled out a nose hair today to see if it hurt... judging by the reaction of the man asleep next to me on the bus, it seems pretty painful.

I just explained to the cat for ten minutes that I’m officially done with whining.

All of life is simply "further ado."

We don’t do enough swashbuckling these days.

I rescued a cow from a slaughterhouse today. I named it Jake from steak farm.

I talk a lot of shit for a guy who enjoys sitting in the bathtub reading poetry (no water of course)

Could someone come and rotate me every hour so my hips don’t hurt in the morning? Like a sexy rotisserie chicken.

A healthy and nutritious cigarette is that too much to ask

summer feels so good. the sun on my skin the breeze in my brain

The thing about sleep is that I’d like to get some of it

A quiet moment amongst the trilliums.

Everyone deserves someone who is trying to make their life better.

Fuck it let’s go fishing

After spending 13 to 17 years underground cicadas emerge, mate and die. Don't be a cicada.