I'm just thankful it's not snowing...It would really suck shovelling snow in this heat

You should be able to get a mystery bag of pills from CVS for a $10 copay

Welcome to your 40s, falling asleep on the couch isn’t an accident anymore.

I tend to blush every time someone calls me creepy.

everybody talks about cutting people off but nobody really talks about the grief that comes with having to stand firm on that decision knowing it’s not what you wanted but what was necessary for your well-being

you guys are annoying grok with your dumb shit and that’s how we get terminators you absolute FOOLS

Can’t stop laughing because someone asked me how I’m single

please don’t ask me what my hobbies are, i lost interest in life back in 6th grade

fortunately my brain has finally stopped working

i’ve sat on toilet seats you wouldn’t even squat above

Everyone knows to not make bees mad but they do it anyway

I'd rather just hear about what you nerd out over.

Life is too short to be a grown up.

You can only get instant results through years of consistent hard work.

Spoiler alert: Time doesn’t heal shit.

have you consulted the freak within

My therapist recommended I keep following all the crazy ones so I can feel better about myself. If you’re reading this, I appreciate you.

dont make me get the restraints..

if you can’t handle me at my mentally illest then you don’t deserve me at my mentally chillest

Might fuck around and reply “Get well soon!” on everyone’s selfies today.🤷🏻‍♀️💐🍲