Amber Heard will always remember this as the day she almost caught Captain Jack Sparrow.

Nobody warns about the hazards of reading at a young age. I’ll be mispronouncing words like “haphazard”, “melancholy”, and “hors d'oeuvres” for the rest of my life.

Sorry I can't hang out I have to itch the mosquito bite on my ankle until I reach bone

me as soon as i get anywhere:

BWTHHYBL?

Sorry I had to

I have a premiere for a movie this week “THE LEGISLATIVE ACT OF MY PUSSY“ !!!!

Me trying to get 8 hrs of sleep in just 3 hrs

sex?? in this city???

maybe i dont want to be an independent rich girlboss workaholic aunty i now want to be a stay at home pilates mentally stable housewife

Tired of everybody talkin bout everybody. Just smoke some weed and the chill.

no unfortunately i cannot give you directions around the city i have lived in my entire life

“i literally told you yesterday” Me: