Jeez, I need a new career adviser. The last interview she sent me on ended up being a trial for a new line of taser guns ...

For most IT jobs, I'm definitely over-qualified. Its the "seeking highly motivated individual" part I need to work on ...

Tried to get a job with Census but according to their latest office poll, I have a less than 1% chance of getting it ...

I've been unemployed for so long that the last time I got paid they gave me two ducks and a goat ...

You know, its been tough finding a job in product testing. Today I showed up at Trojan & they wouldn't even let me in the building ...

MAN ON BUS: "Where I live, the unemployment rate has jumped to 11.5%!!" ME: "That's nothing ... at my house its 100%"

I had to fire the last resume writer I had. I mean, what good is a writer if he can't come up with his own material?

My job hunt is in a bit of a slump. Last offer I got was from Google, back when they sent search results out by mail ...

I never know what to wear to interviews anymore. When I showed up at IBM today, they told me the Girl Guides had already been by last week.

INTERVIEWER AT IBM: Do you have any experience in Product Management? ME: Are you kidding? Come check my fridge. It never runs out of beer.

Ordered a book off eBay once called, "Easy Money With eBay". When I finally got it, it only had 1 page that said, "Thank you." ...

Its tough getting a job at EA Sports. I must have applied at least 100 times. Last week the cops showed up with a restraining order ...

My cover letter may need some work. I applied to Hallmark Cards recently and now excerpts are printed in their new line of sympathy cards ..

Where i grew up, job hunting was real tough. I mean, back then we never had things like 'rejection letters'. They were called 'drive bys'.

Manager Office Depot asked if I brought my resume to the store. ME: "So you're hiring?" HIM: "No, we're testing shredders today" ...

The toughest interview question I usually get is, "Do you realize you are 20 minutes late?" I never know whether to answer yes or no ...

MAN ON BUS: Jeez, I feel like I've been kidnapped, beaten & thrown from a moving car ME: Did you get that job Interview with Sony too?

That's odd. I just had the American Mgmt Association follow me on Twitter. Every time I sign up for membership they send me a pink slip ...

My resume is in rough shape. Last time I copied it to Twitter, I lost so many followers that Twitter had to give me an overdraft account ...

Had my TSA Airport Security interview yesterday. At the end the lady asks, "Any other questions?" I said, "Yes, can I have my clothes back?"