Brilliant. And a lot more fun than listening to the real Liz.

Cheers for keeping your fingers crossed for a nervous turbulencer, everyone. Despite the stormy German weather, British Airways managed one of the smoothest flights I‘ve had in the last few months. Thanks for the skill, BA. Oh, and the G&T helped, obvs.

A party that has lost its moral compass.

I have no interest in what Liz Truss may want to talk about. In her embarrassing 45 days as Prime Minister she has caused more damage to the UK economy than is imaginable. She has since become a pathetic far right tool. I won’t give her the pleasure of my attention now.

Ps British Airways any chance you can put some tranquilizers in my G&T tomorrow? #turbulence #ImAWimp 😉😬

What is it with my planned flights back to London this week? Gale force winds & thunderstorms forecast all the way for tomorrow. I'm not a good flyer, terrified in turbulence (yes, despite 300+ flights, lots of long distance & knowing it is very safe, workshops no good for me )😢

Dear Steve Barclay I'm planning to visit all 40 new hospitals in one week on a unicycle to raise money for charity. Can you let me know where they all are please?

| #MISSING |
Have you seen Benjamin, 19 years old, last seen today in #ForestHill #SE23

Last seen wearing an Adidas T-Shirt, white and red shorts, black football shoes.

If seen, please call 999 and quote 5536/14APR24

URGENT, PLEASE RETWEET TO HELP FIND THE OWNER OR A RESCUE SPACE FOR THIS LURCHER PUPPY FOUND #GUILDFORD #SURREY #UK 🆘🆘🆘
Found April 5, male, no chip and in a poor condition.
Proof of ownership required.
If a shelter has space for him can you contact SDK council pound asap as…

Happy Vaisakhi to my friends celebrating here in the UK and around the world. Time to enjoy the harvest!

‘Hören Sie auf den Tatort mit Ihrer Schleimspur zu verunreinigen, Overbeck’. #Wilsberg 😂

Had a chat with this rather stunning southern crowned pigeon today in 🇩🇪. He said he might cross the channel for a stag weekend in the 🇬🇧British Isles in June and was interested in joining your aerial display for a day, Woolwich Pigeon. What do you think? He was friendly. 😁

What happened when @moverand6 went to Downing Street Rory Cellan-Jones Cure Parkinson's Parkinson's UK @paulmayhewarcher Jeremy Paxman nick mostyn @gillanlaceysolmar hear what Paxman wants to ask Rishi Sunak moversandshakerspodcast.com/post/the-mover…

I'm not usually interested in celeb gossip, but am genuinely quite sad to read that Jon Richardson and Lucy Beaumont are divorcing.

Dear Mogg
I have made a hugely important speech in Canada attacking Sunak's ban on smoking. I have of course invoked my forebear Churchill and his cigars thereby bringing the matter up to date just as Socrates modernised the Bible.
Ravioli in nostril
Boris

5 am this morning. The cat pushes open the door (cats have magic powers), waltzes in and loudly demands food. He gives me 4 seconds to get up, else I get the ‘gentle paw with surprisingly sharp claws extended’ facial massage treatment. Meh. Might as well do some work.

Count Binface The fact that Count Binface has 5 times more followers than Susan Hall makes me happy😀

Lovely weather today.