(865): My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?

(859): yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum

|| Rhys canonically likes pineapple on pizza, as it has been allegedly confirmed, and I — for one — love that.

“Hi, my name is Human Disaster. . . And this is Jackass.”

“Sick, bro.”

“𝑰 𝒂𝒎, 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒂 𝒅𝒐𝒖𝒃𝒕, 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝑾𝑶𝑹𝑺𝑻 𝒑𝒊𝒓𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖’𝒗𝒆 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒅 𝒐𝒇. 𝑩𝒖𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖’𝒗𝒆 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒅 𝒐𝒇 𝒎𝒆.” ❛ 𝐂𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐀𝐈𝐍 𝐉𝐀𝐂𝐊 𝐋𝐀𝐖𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄. ❜ ► au-ish. borderlands, mv welcome! desc. / semi-serious.

“Well, I’m pretty sure I’m still breathing. . . I’m missing a sock, but that’s about it.”

“ɪᴛ’s sᴏ ʜᴀʀᴅ ᴛᴏ ғᴏʀɢᴇᴛ ᴘᴀɪɴ, ʙᴜᴛ ɪᴛ’s ᴇᴠᴇɴ ʜᴀʀᴅᴇʀ ᴛᴏ ʀᴇᴍᴇᴍʙᴇʀ sᴡᴇᴇᴛɴᴇss. ᴡᴇ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ɴᴏ sᴄᴀʀ ᴛᴏ sʜᴏᴡ ғʀᴏᴍ ʜᴀᴘᴘɪɴᴇss. ᴡᴇ ʟᴇᴀʀɴ sᴏ ʟɪᴛᴛʟᴇ ғʀᴏᴍ ᴘᴇᴀᴄᴇ.”

“Fuck.”

“Fuck [ you. ]” Grumpy.

“Eugh, go French a light socket.” Jack, please, he’s working. Sort of. He’s mostly just staring at his computer, lifeless behind the eyes. Yikes.

“I think I have caffeine poisoning and I can’t feel my legs but I’m doing so well right now that I can’t stop typing.”

“Fuck. . . I’m so goddamn drunk.” He’s much more Funke than previously anticipated.

“Fun Fact: I’m not dead. I’m just a workaholic.”

“. . . You literally gave me a heart attack with Jack’s face. But relatable nonetheless.”