I feel sorry for Netflix era kids. They will never know the high stakes adrenaline of running to the bathroom/fridge/bedroom in a single ad break, with the beckoning call of a sibling screaming “It’s ONNNNNN” to send you hurdling over furniture to get back in time.

I don’t know who needs to hear this but you’re a badder bitch than you think.

Movie Theatre Employee: “enjoy your movie” Me: “you too” *me thinking to myself*

My mom told me “sometimes people pretend you’re a bad person so they dont feel guilty for the things they did to you”.....damn.

someone: drunk me: ok FINE I will tell you, unprompted, about every guy i’ve ever loved and every bad thing i’ve ever even contemplated doing

never let your loneliness drive you back to toxic relationships. read that again

i definitely hibernate a little in the winter, like summer me is fun, she’s spontaneous, she’s up for anything, but winter me gets winded walking up the stairs and just wants eat pasta and drink wine on the couch

SUMMER WYA DUMB BITCH

I agreed to hang out with this guy tomorrow night but realized bachelor in paradise is on so I have to cancel, right

Don’t forget to sin this weekend hoes

every day i think hm will today be the day I finally stop being a dumb bitch but no. hasn’t happened yet

For the 4th time this week I’m buying beer for the next 2 weeks