Rosario Dawson in Sin City. FuuUuuuUuuuuuuuck.

Ugh. It's gotten to the point where every time Mean Girls is on, it just makes me really sad to masturbate to.

*turns on Fresh Prince* YEAH! THIS SHOW'S ALWAYS FUNNY! *Will is screaming and literally crying about his dad not being around* ...fuck.

Some dumb joke you're gonna make using the word "twerk" instead of work. #LameOfficeHolidays After Midnight

Remember that time your friend was fucking that terrible girl/guy for a while?

That's the thing about me, kid... I live my life salt side down. *puts on sunglasses, rides away on a Rascal scooter*

I'm going to wake up regretting every motherfucking thing I said or did tonight. For sure.

FUCK

I may have overdone it this weekend. I feel like a sack of garbage that ripped open as someone tried to toss it into a dumpster.

I can't tell if my throat is sore from drinking a bunch of straight vodka last night or if it's because I'm getting sick.

Waking up to the sound of one of my friends trying their best to pleasure a girl.

I dunno. She sounded like she thought it was alright, but maybe had better things to do today.

Shower. Blowdry. Hairspray. Tiger shirt. Razor Ramon necklace. Food. Friends. Vodka. Orange soda. 90's Night. Dancing. GO.

Hey, girl. You look like I can't get a good gauge on how old you are. But like, in a bad way.

I don't know what "You're The Worst" is, but the commercials make it look like something I want to watch.

Either Tamron Hall on the Today Show has Adult ADHD or she's on a bunch of cocaine every morning.

Monday Night Raw is the next best thing when its too gross for fireworks on July 4th. Nobody loves and hates America more than wrestlers.