Groundscrabs and team officials have begun preping and seasoning the Crabitat for Opening Day festivities on Monday. Stay tuned for stadium updates as we approach Opening Day! And as always, CLAWS UP 🦀 🦀 🦀

Newly acquired star hitter NAGOMI MCDANIEL is the first to arrive at the stadium. We are looking for space to put her swords. On lookers admire her fresh Mech Suit from a safe distance.

ATTENTION: Staff, please be aware that Nagomi Meng🐯 is NOT and has never have been a Crab. Signs with this reminder will be posted at various gates. We apologize for the inconvenience.

Miraculously on time, Tillman Henderson is next to arrive. He’s sent three staff members home crying in the 15 minutes he’s been here.

Rowing up to the gates in his dinghy and blasting Woody Guthrie is the definitely human pitcher, Oliver Notarobot. The beautiful skin boy waved at the small crowd before carefully climbing out of his dinghy, as to not get wet.

. Combds Duende Memorial Account🎙 strolled up to the Crabitat after a long night of television watching. Fans caught on to a report that insults only make Combs stronger, and greeted them with an onslaught of passive aggressiveness, for the good of their team.

The crowd around the Crabitat has rapidly dispersed after reports of Parker Parra making their way to the stadium. That is except for Ramblin’ Dave, of course, who began yelling incoherently from his seat as Parra arrived.

ATTENTION: After the performance put forth by Oliver Notarobot against the first place Hades Tigers Official Fan Club, we will be immediately construction a statue in the good human boy’s honors CLAWS UP 🦀 🦀 🦀

After spending some time mourning the loss of our dear Combds Duende Memorial Account🎙, we have begun work on a statue in their honor. We’re also searching the stadium for leftover combs that are being collected and will be donated to a good cause. We’ll miss you old friend. CLAWS UP FOR COMBS 🦀

There’s blood everywhere.