Sure it sucks, but not trying to sell homemade scented glitter artisanal suppositories at the farmer's market sucks.

I bet it sucks if you get seasick and lean over the edge of the boat to throw up and a shark bites your face.

The JPN man in his 90's singing Hail to Hirohito war songs & I'm thinking... well hell... you started it.

Your Salt Life sticker tells me that you style yourself as a chill Jimmy Buffett-like beach bum sun-worshipper but your hyperaggressive incompetent driving 400 miles from the nearest ocean suggests otherwise.

Just updated my will so that I can be buried with my Favstar trophies.

She was rare...like someone with an NPR bumper sticker who doesn't drive like they're mentally impaired.

Not enough gauc. Blocked.

Bicycle’s handgrip is loose. Only thing I can do now is pretend I’m revving it up like a dirt bike.

This green tea tastes like I'm going to lie about weight loss

I’ve finally reached the age where my ears need a Brazilian wax.

I'm on Twitter cuz I for real like you folks. Thanks for making me smile.

What a perfect night to drink whiskey and delete tweets.

Once I learn how to grow a wart on my nose it's all over for you witches

The older I get, the more I see the appeal of those tiny houses. Like four or five of them. Bolted together. On top of a substantial garage.

I am receding now from the world of man... *sinks backwards into a mountain of butt-wagging dogs*