I lied.

How I look in every off guard photo I’ve ever taken

i like driving by myself. i just played the same 1 song 36 times

i’m like if spongebob was a girl in her 20s

they’re lucky i wasn’t around for noah’s ark, they would’ve had to take 3 goats…

"i asked chatgpt" "i asked grok" well i just made some shit up and people believe me because i'm well read and use big words

Just walked into the bathroom stall at work and someone already had the same idea as me #ClogTheToiletForNoReasonTuesday

her: babe it’s too hot 🥵 me:

Me when the chips have a hint of lime unexpectedly

people shouldn’t be at the grocery store the same time as me. get out of the way

If you’re clocking and I’m clocking who’s standing on business

Is Charlie Kirk the only person who gets free speech😭😭😭😭

2 hours of cooking just to eat in 10 minutes and now i've gotta wash everything.

I took Tylenol while austistic now my son is pregnant

I’ll never be impressed by this because all of this energy could have been used to galvanize folks to vote last November.

Like this is all nice and stuff… but we needed all this energy in the polling booth last year. So I’m not impressed.