My cat runs out of the room, terrified, every time the Instant Pot releases steam. We figure it sounds like an angry cat hissing. To her, we have an appliance that screams “THE RICE IS FINISHED AND I’M GOING TO KILL YOU.”

The CDC has just announced that fully vaccinated boys and girls are free to if you seek Amy.

I just think it’s really important to eat one baguette per day.

Not to be all weird but lately I’m the happiest I’ve ever been!

My friend’s glamorous teenage sister laughed at my joke once when I was nine and I’ve been chasing that high ever since

😆❤️😇

Everything the comedic actors of our generation can do, Christina Applegate does while looking like an old Hollywood screen goddesssss

It’s my birthday and I control the remote and tonight we will be watching a 17-minute YouTube compilation of Jonathan Groff’s best vocals

There’s a guy next to me in public who’s VERY proud of having said that the Cleveland baseball team should be renamed the “PC Pussies” and I’m wondering whether I could convince him I’m a talent scout ready to get his standup career going

In the not-at-all-distant future people are going to idolize Kim Kardashian as the picture of poise and class and attribute a bunch of quotes about womanhood to her and they’ll think modern celebrities are vulgar and fake

Me: I need to fall asleep Some deranged corner of my brain: Josh Jana John Jill Jessa Jinger Joe Josiah Joy Jed Jeremiah Jason James Justin Jackson Johannah Jennifer Jordyn Josie

Exclusive photo of Taylor Swift and Ed Sheeran writing “Run”

I Bet You Think About Me (I Really Didn’t Grow Up THAT Rich) (Taylor’s Version)

“Fuck the patriarchy,” said Jake, of the noble house of Gyllenhaal, to his 20-year-old girlfriend

Today seems like a good day for us all to cut the crap and acknowledge that pie crust takes five times more ice water than the recipes claim.