“You’ll find that the people who love you best are the ones you learn the most from.”

I'm just a Twilight Zone guy living in a Black Mirror world.

How are all of the Coke Creations so gross and so tasty at the same time?

I want to find the person who smashed my car window, and give them a hug, and ask them why they're so angry.

"... the angels are sharpening their swords as we speak." Yoinks

The finale of The Uncanny Valley is here. Check out the conclusion to our tale wherever you get your podcasts.

Here's another sketch that I've etched

"The following is intended only for mature audiences. Viewer discretion is advised..." *Kit Kat commercial*

I'm getting okay at this.

Am I some weird christian hippie, or an actual mystic?

They gave me a whole extra hour of sleep and I’m still like honk shoo mi mi mi mi

Having a normal adult day, but then I get curious, so I Google "world's longest fart."

Why is no one giving out medals for successfully assembling IKEA furniture?

Vocal coaches will say "take care of your instrument" like you've got a fucking bassoon in your neck.

Sometimes I find myself in nature thinking about nature instead.

I'm a little late, but I usually share my annual earworm playlist on Twitter, so here's what 2023 sounded like to me in about 3½ hours. open.spotify.com/playlist/34vVw…

#DnD is great because you and seven friends can pretend to be a family of Irish bears and can feel genuine emotions when brother bears reunite.

Started replaying Fallout: New Vegas, and it turns out my brother has encyclopedic knowledge of this game.

I am now 1000% Dune-pilled

How the fuck did Greenberg's Jewelers get my phone number?