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"Sometimes my brain works so dumb."

"The more I hear about sourdough starter 'mothers' the more convinced I am that they're actually just Eldritch horrors in a jar."

"This weed is so strong I forgot the words to 'Tequila.'"

"Why are IPA labels always so arrogant?"

"The neck bone's connected to the- NECK BONE. The neck bone's connected to the- NECK BONE. Th-"

"A trombone is just a slide whistle on hard mode."

"I admit that the electric triangle wasn't one of my better ideas."

"Sometimes you've got to sit down and ask yourself: 'what language do the blind think in?'"

"All foods sold commercially should come with a chunk of chocolate in the bottom like those ice cream cones."

"Meringue cookies are for cowards who don't want to be seen eating astronaut ice cream."

"Weed is not a threat."

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"If I saw a kangaroo in Washington I'd assume it was an alien that accidentally chose the wrong disguise and is now going to kill me for what I've seen."

"Uhhhh, bread with seeds good????"

"Yogurt is murder."

"Some fans told me they saw Ron playing mini golf. He's already too large for normal golf why."