& the kids who made a religion about the moon x.com/AdamShay1/stat…

This morning in #Palatine: A fly on the cheese Danish in the display case at Starbucks, a man throwing up on a tree by the library, and a landscaping company named BJ’s who’s tagline is “We always leave you satisfied!”

Cars should have a second quieter and more polite horn

The Palatine PD are looking for this guy, who on Sept. 13 allegedly stole $1,400 worth of hover boards from the #Palatine Walmart. (Looks like he might be storing some nuts in his cheeks, too). Call the police if you have info.

Words belong to all.

Have you guys heard of this term fullproof? As in this has the full amount of proof, therefore anyone could do it? Well I just found out the term is actually foolproof, and then I found out it’s not foolproof at all!!

Just got out of a 6 hour dentist appointment. I’ve now learned there are two types of people in this world: those that know what a Dental Dam is and those that don’t have insurance.

Lmaooooooo I won let’s gooooooo!!! #soxmath to the max!!! #whitesoxbaseballbaby & everyone should know soxmath is all about speed and feelings! No real calculations 😤 Let’s go White Sox!

On a plane to CO, some lady is coming around asking every row for “wipes or anything you’d like to discard”. I’m just looking for a place to put this trash!

A lull at the restaurant after a crazy lunch rush. My co-worker: “If we all download MonopolyGo rn we could make some serious money”

Get in loser, we're going to our beautiful house, with our beautiful wife