This was fun!

We’re too old for children! My wife was in the bathroom doing a pregnancy test, I heard her shout “oh no!”All I could think was, I hope you’ve just pissed on your fingers.

I've just signed the Tax Justice UK petition calling on Rishi Sunak & Boris Johnson to close the tax loopholes that allow the mega-rich to dodge paying their fair share, please sign and retweet. #PandoraPapers you.38degrees.org.uk/petitions/pand… via 38 Degrees

With the fashion of Botox, fillers and ridiculously inflated lips it’s never been easier to get a more lifelike inflatable woman!

Today's joke I've just set-up a nano technology business...no job too small. #nufc #newcastle #comedy northernstage.co.uk/Event/grinning…

Today's joke: Me and my missus have entered the IVF lottery, it's a monthly draw, thousand of pounds a ticket, it's usually a treble roll over, we're using machine Lancelot and set of balls two, the jackpot is a lifetime of worry. #nufc #newcastle #comedy northernstage.co.uk/Event/grinning…

During WW2, soldiers could mail a voice message to loved ones on a super flimsy 78. My dad found one that his dad sent his mom but he has no way to play it, so it's up to me to transfer it to mp3. So I got a mic, added some crackle, and I'm about to record some absolute FILTH.

Alreet lovelies! Paul 'Sinnerman' Sinha is heading to Newcastle on Saturday 2nd July for this fantastic gig Northern Stage There's only about 50 tix left, grab 'em while you can. northernstage.co.uk/whats-on/grinn… Paul Sinha (Paul Sinha) Grinning Idiot Lauren Pattison @TerryAlderton 😀😀😀

Please Retweet. Great line up in Newcastle on Saturday Featuring Terry Alderton, Paul Sinha 'Sinnerman', Lauren Pattison, George Zach Mc: John Smith. Tickets only £15! northernstage.co.uk/whats-on/grinn…

Any chance of a retweet. Great Comedy line-up in Newcastle this Saturday. Featuring Terry Alderton, Paul Sinha 'Sinnerman', Lauren Pattison, George Zach Mc: John Smith. Tickets only £15! northernstage.co.uk/whats-on/grinn…

Any chance of a retweet. Great Comedy line-up in Newcastle this Saturday. Featuring Terry Alderton, Paul Sinha 'Sinnerman', Lauren Pattison, George Zach Mc: John Smith. Tickets only £15! northernstage.co.uk/whats-on/grinn…

No wonder you’re called Hastings Direct it’s a fucking battle to deal with you!

Just finished watching this 36min video with Darren Eales during his time at Atlanta...comes across incredibly well. youtube.com/watch?v=6DY2sS… #nufc #darreneales

A group of women all bought their husbands the same shirt and didn’t tell them...🤣

got approached to go on piers morgan’s tv show today

Is Chris Wood the forward equivalent of Allardyce? Get him in when you want to stay up. Best of luck Chris Wood, hope Forest stay up due to loads of penalties #nufc

You know things must be absolutely awful for these asylum seekers, risking their lives, desperate to get to a country with this heartless Tory government in charge. #compassion #AsylumSeekers

Right! Listen here! My mate @AlistairBarrie is doing a show tonight Alphabetti Theatre and he’s a Ledge! Go and see him!

STAND UP FOR PALESTINE! Join some of the most talented and hilarious comedians at The Stand Comedy Club, Newcastle on Sunday 21st July to raise funds for Medical Aid for Palestinians (MAP ). Book your tickets here: seetickets.com/event/stand-up… #standup #palestine #comedy