When I was five, I found out my grandpa had a twin, when I saw him after my grandpa's funeral. A fucking heads up would have been nice.

When people are talking to me I’m watching I Think You Should Leave in my head

Barb and Star should host the Oscars.

BTW no one is talking about how amazing #AmyPoehler looked tonight! ❤❤ #GoldenGlobes

You better thank that gd octopus!

Thanks #CecilyStrong for truly using a variety show for all it can be squeezed for. Education through laughter. Standing ovation over here.

Happy Thanksgiving to all the guys on my Hinge who never delete me but just stay in my chats to never speak to me again ! Luv U !

Someone is playing a trumpet. I hear a trumpet.