To the women in this country….I’m Sorry

guy hearing about the mcdonald's happy meal for the first time: [eyes welling up with tears] a happy meal. i think i'd like that. i'd like that very much

I think he’s ready.

In the last 5 seasons, only four teams have scored 8 or fewer offensive touchdowns through 8 team games: 2019 Jets 2020 Jets 2023 Giants 2023 Jets

Short kings stay inside today I saw that eagle circling the forest again

Everyone in the NBA is scoring like 150 points every night. Then they come to Madison Square Garden and the Knicks beat them with metal bats for two hours

Disney Shareholder Plans Removal of Bob Iger by Splitting Soul into Thirteen Versions of Himself, Opening Kingdom Hearts hard-drive.net/hd/video-games…

alexander the great at kissing boys

his ass does NOT understand that Ansem was actually Ansem's apprentice Xehanort pretending to be Ansem

You try to return to the city, but you spent too much time in the forest learning the language of nature. You now only speak in the cry of startled birds and gusts of wind through dry branches. The man asks what you want on your sandwich and you hiss softly like steam on a lake.

If your boyfriend wears a bowler hat you single to me. What’s he gonna do, gladly pay me Tuesday for a hamburger today?

If you ever need a quick comeback just say, “I bet you’re the kind of person who gets weird bruises.” 99% hit rate.

I can’t get my son Taffney out of my Cybertruck until I download the latest key software?? Help!

I really enjoy this fitness influencer's free ab workout videos on youtube. I have noticed orbs of light in his home and believe he is being haunted

Can you imagine how good the glue would be that came from a unicorn

you are not a brat, you are my 31 year old cousin Josh, and guess what? youre the most well behaved guy I know. Come here, bud.

Ironic that I am a judge for the Truman Capote award when Capote in a druggy interview said he hated me & that I should be executed. LOL.