u tellin me there’s no other way to take a dogs temperature than up their butt? 🤔

somebody needs to assasinate the ticket master

i do not need more guitars. i do not need more guitars.

having a natural grey streak is my burden to carry

i thought this emoji had gills when i first saw it like it was a cute fish guy 🙂‍↔️

being hispanic and french is a cheat code

having one (1) like on a tweet and not deleting within 48 hours is deranged

anyone know how many campari sodas u can drink before u hit the legal limit

everyday i wake up and im like “STILL?”

corner bar really just used AI for all there descriptors and photos of their new bar lmao

my roommate used my Kefir in place of milk for his cereal today.

if you think of bread like a plate, pizza is really is just a charcuterie board

i have added so much bruce springsteen to my apple library tonight

this place is a prison

really adopted the perfect most well behaved aussie collie the world has seen

i wish i could call my dog and tell him im on the way home so he could chill on whatever he up to

it’s so joever

guns the duel coming back could save me

vegas got so cold so fast my teeth are clittering

there needs to be girlfriend kibble that also costs like 30 dollars