Covered in so much grass today I started to photosynthesize.

it’s ok if your phone autocorrects “fuck” to “duck” because you’re still using fowl language…

GIRTH, WIND, AND FIRE

If this isn’t me since I joined the Navy

Tom Brady and I made solid eye contact today, and he threw two picks in the first quarter. Coincidence? I think not.

On the bright side, Mother’s Day gift shopping is a whole lot easier now

I’m in love with a girl named Monica

Everyone should learn more about their parents when they were young. We live in our own little worlds and we think our parents’ lives have never existed without us in it and it’s selfish. If you don’t, you’ll regret it.

My life is definitely not going the way I want it to

Don’t go pee outside rn folks. Do not.

If this isn’t #swag idk what is